July 07, 2006

Flat Pack

I spent nearly $1000 at Ikea yesterday. It's a love/hate relationship I have with Ikea. I guess that is the same for all people.

I had to buy some laundry storage solutions. I got a wall cupboard that could go in a kitchen so it is strength tested to withstand holding a 60 piece dinner set. Excellent. That means I can load it up with some serious amounts of OMO and Mortein.

The BurberKing should not have sent me to get the cupboard. How was I to realise that the laundry walls are only made of weatherboard and would not hold the weight of a kitchen cupboard capable of holding a 60 piece dinner setting?

Actually, I knew the walls were made of weatherboard, but it didn't occur to me that I couldn't simply bang any old large heavy thing into it and expect it to remain there. So, earlier this week, I made a pasta while the BurberKing came up with a solution to our storage solution.

The same problem applies to the rest of the storage solutions I bought yesterday. They all have to be applied to weatherboard. I hate Ikea. There should be flashing signs all around the store saying 'Don't buy this heavy storage solution thing unless you have checked with someone competent and responsible that the walls in your house can hold the thing up'
I might put this submission in their 'ideas box' at the front of the store next time I am there returning something.

By the way, the laundry storage solution problem has been solved, and we have a fantastic hat and coat rack. Did I mention my new oven? It’s beautiful.

I was sharing this IKEA story with some friends the other day and was pointed to this little gem: http://www.economist.com/business/displaystory.cfm?story_id=6919139
It is amazing how massive revenue raising enterprises like Ikea and the ‘Church’ of Scientology, and Hillsong are able to take advantage of charity status regimes in various countries and pay no tax. There should be a law against it…

July 06, 2006

New Burb

We have changed Burbs. Brand new Burb! We moved about a fortnight ago and our first house guests dropped in last Friday night. The loafers didn’t leave till 2am. And they know who they are. As good hosts, so as not to be rude, we accompanied the guests’ consumption of champagne and red wine and gin and tonic. We even watched the World Cup quarter final involving those cheating Italians (I may never eat Parmigiano-Reggiano or prosciutto again). The ‘soft underbelly’ of the Axis powers in WWII are also soft divers who took advantage of a soft penalty. I hope the collaborating French Les Bleus whip them in the World Cup Final.

(Of course, I will eat Italy’s finest cheese and ham again. I even bought an Italian-made oven the day after they dived their way past the Socceroos. I am not good at boycotts).

But back to my guests last Friday. They were kind enough to bring a camera (ours has broken). Around here somewhere is a picture of the Burber King in the jacket his family gave him for his 21st birthday present. I have recently been trying to negotiate the delivery of this jacket to the local OpShop by seeking the consent of his family, and I stupidly raised the point again on Friday. I should have known better. Our guests have been to Solid Gold Balls and other similar parties. As if they would permit the discarding of this authentic 1986 double breasted leather jacket with shoulder pads and epaulettes. And how happy does the ginger Fonzie look now he has allies?

Can you believe that this photo was taken in 2006? I cannot. Even though I was there when the shutter opened and closed, I cannot believe this photo was taken in a house that I live in, let alone that I agreed to purchase. By now, you may have noticed the walls. That stuff you see is cork. Cork. I kid you not. It was once fashionable to surround yourself with a material that belongs only in the top of a bottle of wine or on the end of a fork. It was painstakingly applied to the walls some 20 years ago, and it will now have to be painstakingly removed from those same walls. Odd how the 20 year old jacket and the 20 year old cork find themselves together like this.

I think we will remove the wall entirely. That would do the trick.